Bjarne Riis just can’t catch a break. First he loses a massive chunk of his team and support staff to LEOPARD TREK, and now he’s poised to lose Alberto Contador for a year due to his positive test for Clenbuterol. What’s a Riis to do?
We here at Pavé have a few suggestions:
- Secretly campaign to uphold the radio ban. When he fails to show any results this year, claim it wasn’t his fault, but the result of no race radios
- Buy Telenet-Fidea and, just to hedge his bets, Landbouwkrediet and BKCP, so he can say Saxo won CX worlds in 2011
- Convince Zomegnan to not invite Geox-TMC to the Giro. Get Menchov to activate his contract’s “no Grand Tour, no Denis” doomsday clause. Help him achieve a podium position no one remembers in the Tour de France.
- Convince Jan Ullrich to put down the Nutella, and pick up a bike
- Come out of retirement, sign a deal with Gerber Assist, win all three GT’s and maybe a classic or two.
- Go shopping in the Pegasus buy one get one free aisle. (We hear Trent Lowe is looking…)
- Build his team for all of the one-week Tours everyone uses for training. Dominate.
Bjarne needs all the help he can get! Give your suggestions below!